


The Shattering

by dramaticinsanity



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Character Death, Depression, F/F, Funeral, Gem Restoration, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Hints of Jaspearlidot, Miscommunication, Pining, Steven Universe Future, suicide allusion, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaticinsanity/pseuds/dramaticinsanity
Summary: Pearl gets broken, and Peridot is sad. She is determined to fix the situation, only to be met with failure. She almost makes a terrible mistake, and she would’ve missed something important.
Relationships: Pearl/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	The Shattering

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THE TAGS
> 
> Takes place at an unclear time after the Steven Universe Future episodes, but it only mentions things from within the first four. I actually wrote this after the movie, but I dramatically changed some chunks of it after Future aired. Due to this fic vaguely taking place over many months, it will probably diverge from unreleased episodes.

Garnet, Amethyst, Bismuth, and Steven return from sparring to an unusual scene. Peridot and Lapis are crouched by the front door of the house, on the inside. Lapis is holding Peridot, who is noticeably shaking. Closer, it becomes apparent it’s because she’s violently sobbing with the full force of her being. Peridot is sporting a new form. Her visor comes to shorter points with a sharp angled gap in the middle. She’s donned green overalls, a teal undershirt, and dark gold higher boots. The overalls have jagged ends on the arms and legs, similar to Amethyst’s shorts. She has attempted to compress her hair with a bandana, but the stubborn shape still sticks out. It’s clear she’s recently been poofed. 

Lapis looks up at them, surprisingly with tears streaking down her cheeks. Her expression is hollow and blank. Peridot mutters, “No, no, no, it can’t be real, this isn’t real. Lapis, wake me up, Lapis please. Wake me up.”

The group stares, unsure what to do. They’ve never seen either gem this distraught. 

Bismuth ventures, “Peridot, Lapis? Either of you want to fill me in?”

Lapis raises her shoulders and sighs through her nose. She backs away to reveal Peridot is holding a bubble. She’s clutching it like a lifeline. She protectively curls around the green bubble. The group draws closer, and Steven gasps. Garnet and Amethyst lean over him to get a better look. Inside the bubble are shards, not a whole gem. 

Steven asks, “Why - why do you have a shattered gem bubbled? Did a bubble pop? Did someone - who -”

Lapis says, “Steven. Don’t.”

Peridot cries harder, to the point of hiccuping and choking. “Why, why, why! I’m so - so sorry - I - I couldn’t - I was - was hurt - too strong. I tried - I tried - the spear - she impaled - - too late!”

She’s barely comprehensible. Garnet and Amethyst share a confused glance. Bismuth crosses her arms and shakes her head. Steven crouches and crawls over to Peridot and Lapis, like he’s approaching a pair of wary strays. 

Lapis puts a hand on his shoulder with a stern expression. Her cheeks are still wet with tears. She doesn’t seem personally distressed, she was probably crying out of empathy for Peridot. It’s unusual, since literal empath powers couldn’t even make her cry much.

Steven whispers to Lapis, “Why is she so upset? Who’s in the bubble?”

Lapis relaxes her eyebrows, expression changing to something that borders on pitying. “Oh Steven… I found her… there’d clearly been some kind of battle. It was a mess. I found her like this, new form and crying with the bubble.”

“Please tell me what’s going on!”

“This isn’t easy…” Lapis rubs Peridot’s back and pulls her close again so she can bury her head in Lazuli’s arms. Neither of them glance at the other gems whose expressions convey curiosity and dread. There’s a general sense that something is _very_ wrong.

//

Lapis squeezes her eyes shut for a moment. When she opens them, she passes Peridot to Steven. She pressed into him, not reacting to the sudden swap. She faces the gems, preparing for what she must do on Peridot’s behalf.

“According to what Peridot was able to tell me - Peridot and Pearl were tracking a couple of gems who were acting strangely, and they were clever. They managed to figure out what they were up to, and stop them,” Lapis begins. Her breaths shudder. 

“However, it was an ambush, they expected to fail. I think they just wanted to capture them. Peridot and Pearl were separated for a while, unable to help each other. All she would tell me about the enemies - it started with two gems, and another entity appeared. There was raw terror in her eyes, begging me not to pry.”

Lapis went on. “Pearl used her momentum against her assailant, to get her spear all the way through their form. This… this seemed to be a risk. As it ended in sacrifice. She couldn’t block an attack. For some reason, the other gems didn’t continue attacking, as the third fled despite the wound. I couldn’t find any trace.”

Everyone is on the figurative edge of their seats as Lapis unfolds the horrific tale. Lapis wraps her hand around her wrist. She wasn’t particularly close to Pearl, they were allies but didn’t see each other as friends. She knows that the others are extremely fond of her. They’ll be devastated. She wouldn’t take it well if someone relayed the same news of Steven, Peridot, or Bismuth. There is a moment of expectant silence. 

“Pearl was - was _shattered_. Peridot had - she had recovered every single piece and put in the bubble before she - she wouldn’t even let me touch it, and she wouldn’t move. So I chased away the two gems and flew her here in my arms.”

Steven clutches her arm and whines, “No… No! It can’t be true!”

The rest stare at her in total shock and numbness. 

“Pearl… not our Pearl,” Bismuth says. 

Amethyst slumps, her shoulder knocking into Bismuth’s leg and staying there. Garnet shudders. She falls to her knees and palms her face, tears sliding between her fingers. Feeling awkward now, Lapis slips away and sits on the edge of the coffee table. Steven nuzzles into Peridot’s hair, beginning to messily cry with her. 

“She was like a mom to me,” Steven remarks in a heavy whisper as though it’s the first that he’s acknowledging this. “I should’ve told her how much she -”

His voice cracks, and he ceases to speak further. 

The crying and observation of Peridot seems to go on for a while. Garnet abruptly leaves the room, probably because she’s having difficulty holding together and needs to center herself - or she wants to break apart in privacy. Amethyst sits next to Steven and puts her arm around him. Her gaze is haunted, her tears silently falling. 

Bismuth mumbles, “I just can’t believe it. Of all gems… she was always so resilient… poofed and beaten over and over but she always bounced back.”

Peridot jerks away from Steven. She stares with sadness at the bubble between her palms. Bismuth lowers on one knee and reaches for it. Peridot snarls, a fierce, unexpected thing and swings the bubble out of her reach.

“Don’t touch her! It’s my bubble! Don’t!”

“Peridot it’s okay,” Lapis tries to reassure.

“No it’s not! It’s never going to be okay ever again!” Without standing, Peridot scoots her body with her legs alone until she’s up against the door. She settles the bubble on her knees. She gives Steven and Bismuth such an aggressive look when they try to approach, that both take cautious steps backward.

“We probably shouldn’t aggravate her in this state,” Steven says. “Who knows what will happen.”

“I agree, we’ll give her space for now. She’ll give it up when she’s ready.”

Peridot doesn’t move again until the next night. Several gems attempt to motivate her, but she stubbornly resists them. When she does get up, it’s when everyone is distracted. Steven catches her marching into the workshop. He quietly follows, accompanied by Bismuth and Lapis. Peridot notices them upon crossing the threshold. She waves Bismuth in, but she glares at the other two. 

“Help me,” is all that Peridot says. She indicates tools and guides Bismuth through steps of making things that she doesn’t totally understand. 

It’s afternoon by the time Peridot’s finished. She has constructed a slightly depressed basin in the shape of Pearl’s gem, drawn up a diagram from memory, and she has created tools. Everyone, including Connie now, observe from the doorway, not making a peep.

These tools are able to slip in and out of Peridot’s bubble without disturbing it. Bit by bit, she arranges the pieces in the basin, which is also in the bubble. It’s weird to see things move inside the bubble, since they’re usually in a suspended state.

Peridot chews on her tongue, utterly focused on the task. She doesn’t leave it for a moment, as the weeks pass. She gets visitors, but she doesn’t look at them or talk to them, not even to respond to a question. 

//

“Hey, Peridot?”

Peridot doesn’t glance up from using her specialized tools to work inside the bubble. She places the pieces carefully. She has the diagram memorized and doesn’t need to even reference the paper anymore. 

“Uh… look, I think it’s nice you have hope that… but we talked and… we want to hold a funeral service for Pearl. I know it’s kind of. Human. Silly. But I think it’ll give them closure. Is this… going to take much longer?”

“I don’t know Steven. No one has ever put a gem back together before.” Her voice is rough from disuse and her bottled emotions.

Steven sighs. “They’re getting restless -”

“Peridot just give it up,” Amethyst gripes. Peridot hadn’t known she was in the room too. She doesn’t really care. 

“No.” Peridot adds, “Peridots are for fixing things. _It’s all I’m good for._ I’m going to fix her.”

“She’s - Peri - _she’s gone okay_. She won’t reform ever again. She’s as good as fucking dead! We’re all sad as hell, we all miss her. You’re not going to bring her back, and it’s not fair to the rest of us who want to put her in the ground and mourn.”

“You can mourn. She doesn’t need to be buried for that - and she won’t have to be if you pathetic cloddy distractions would leave me -”

“First of all, how dare you,” Amethyst snarls. “You don’t get to decide how we mourn, how we move on. There’s no point to what you’re doing!”

Peridot sharply inhales. She delicately places her tools aside and turns to Amethyst. “But you get to decide when I’m done? I owe it to her to attempt this, it’s never been done before, has it?! How will you know if I don’t at least fracking try?!”

“You’re just - you’re just putting it off because you don’t want to accept it. Well, tough! Don’t come crying to me when you miserably push yourself to the limit and fail. When you wise up - I’m not talking to you until then!”

Amethyst storms out. Peridot winces. Steven gives her a helpless look. Peridot figures he probably agrees with Amethyst on the inside, to some extent, but he doesn’t want to incite more wrath from Peridot. 

Amethyst’s words stab her in the figurative gut. It hits too close to home - the similarity of her last sentence to the last thing Pearl said to her. Peridot wants to believe she didn’t mean it, but part of her doesn’t hold it against Pearl if she did. She’s the one who hurt Pearl, who chose her words poorly, thus Pearl died thinking that Peridot didn’t want to talk to her or want her around. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

_“You barely look me in the eye,” Pearl remarked while they were editing diagrams on a whiteboard. “You flinch when I touch you, you move away when I’m close, your speech has degraded to monosyllabic. I thought we were… friends, friends who respected each other, enjoyed working together. What can I do to make this better? To make you like me?”_

_Peridot stomped and pulled at her hair in annoyance. “Get it through your gem! I don’t just… like you! I don’t want to be your friend! Isn’t it obvious?!”_

_‘I love you,’ she wanted to say, ‘More than I thought I was capable. I want to be your everything as you are mine.’_

_Her tongue wouldn’t cooperate. Ever since it seemed the Diamonds ceased to be a threat, Peridot had quiet moments to wrap her mind around other things, look to the future. Since she realized she wanted that future “with” Pearl, her social skills became worse than when she had first arrived on Earth. Pearl started to cry, which deeply pained Peridot to see. She slashed her arm through the air, a finality to it and in her expression._

_“Fine! I thought you’d grown wise by now but -” Pearl swiped at her eyes and ducked her head. “Don’t expect my assistance if you get stuck on a project. Never talk to me again if you hate me so much, see if I care.”_

_Peridot hadn’t gotten the chance to backpedal. Pearl pushed past her and left._

They didn’t utter another significant word to each other, not even when battling those gems. The stakes her high, and Peridot had not been sure footed enough to exchange more than meaningless tactic suggestions on the battlefield. It happened so fast...

Peridot will never forgive herself for that. Pearl should’ve known how deeply she was adored, appreciated, and _loved._

Peridot mutters, “Why do I always hurt everyone…”

“She’ll come around,” Steven mutters. “Everyone is just really… upset. You’re not the only ones being short fused with each other.”

“I’m not going to stop,” Peridot insists. “I can’t. I’ll never - I won’t be able to live with it, if I don’t do everything I possibly can within my abilities as a technician.”

“I understand. I mean, I’m a little… frustrated, I admit, mainly because Amethyst is constantly complaining about you and getting on Bismuth and Garnet’s frayed nerves…”

“Some friend!” Peridot bangs her fist on the table, making Steven jump. “Sorry. I just. They should _know_ me, by now, they should get it. Pearl would do the same for me, for any of them! She wouldn’t rest until she did everything she could!”

“Well. Uh. Sorry for bothering you… good luck, Peridot.” Steven elaborates, “I know we’re all skeptical and a little hard on you, but that’s because we all really do want it to work, really, really bad. We’re also fearing the disappointment. Amethyst is concerned you … you won’t be able to handle it...”

“I’ll be fine.”

Against the odds, a few months of nonstop hard work yields results. She finishes putting all the pieces in place and promptly collapses, into a sleep where she doesn’t remember her dreams. She shows off to Steven as soon as possible.

“Steven! Steven! I did it!”

Cautiously, she pops the bubble. As expected, the gem doesn’t reform. It seems to be stabilized though, as nothing alarming happens either. Steven licks his lips and gives Peridot an anxious look.

“Don’t be… angry if this doesn’t work. You did your best… and I’m sure Pearl would’ve very much appreciated your dedication.”

He kisses the gem. No result. 

“You should try crying. That brought an organic back to life! Maybe…”

It isn’t hard to make the tears come, as he just thinks of memories with Pearl and how they’re never going to make more new ones. Peridot wipes at his eye with her thumb, appearing remorseful to force this.

The gem briefly sparkles, but nothing else of note happens.

“Come on. Come on.”

“I’m sorry… Peridot. It’s over.”

Peridot drops to her knees and gently sets the mould holding the reconstructed gem in front of her. She sobs and punches the floor.

“I never _really_ thought it would work Steven, I’m not that stupid. But I hoped… I foolishly, stupidly, cloddishly _hoped_. Where did that get me?!”

Bismuth approaches them, frowning. “Didn’t work, huh? I’m so sorry. We were all hoping you would succeed, despite our doubts. It’s still… kind of amazing you got all the pieces together.”

“Useless.”

“At least we can bury her… sort of whole,” Steven offers. 

“I have something for her… if you’ll allow me.” Bismuth produces what resembles a large clam. It’s pale with light pinkish details. She slips the mould inside of it and snaps it closed. “The others have expressed… they don’t want her gem to be visible during the ceremony so I made… this casket of sorts to house her gem.”

Peridot doesn’t respond. She should consider it a nice gesture, but right now everything angers her. She doesn’t want to lash out at Bismuth.

Softly, Bismuth asks, “Would you like to watch over her?”

Peridot holds out her hands. Bismuth sets the clam on her palms. Peridot sighs. She kisses the clam, some of her tears sliding across the surface. It feels selfish - Peridot wouldn’t have assumed vigil for the object that Pearl’s gem remains will now reside in for eternity if Bismuth hadn’t made the suggestion.

//

The funeral is held on the weekend. It’s observed outside of the temple on the beach, but Pearl will be buried on the hill. Apparently, Bismuth constructed a statue that they will be seeing at the burial site. 

Peridot tunes out all the speeches before her own, or she’ll never get through it. She doesn’t care if she repeats anything. She stares at her own fingers as she speaks into the microphone.

“I was … the last of my closest friends within the Crystal Gems - Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Bismuth, and Lapis - to meet Pearl, and one of the most recent to get to know her. I don’t… I don’t feel qualified to hurt this much… one of you has about sixteen years, three of you have thousands, I think.”

Peridot continues, “I’m sorry I wasted your time putting her back together. But I think _she_ would have understood. That’s what I - she got me in ways other gems didn’t. I hope she knew… that I am deeply sorry for any pain I ever caused her.”

Peridot pauses to furiously wipe away her tears before continuing. 

“She was one of the most compassionate, strongest, smartest gems I had the privilege of knowing. There's so much I wanted to tell her… I’ll say this, cherish your relationships, leave nothing unspoken. Goodbye, my wonderful Pearl, I would sooner trade my gem for yours in a heartbeat.”

She retreats to the back, curling in her chair. Steven returns to the front and sings a mildly somber tune. Bismuth comes to sit beside her. 

Bismuth tells her, “Your feelings are just as valid as the rest of us. Just because some of us loved her first, doesn’t make your love somehow inferior.”

Peridot bursts, “It isn’t fair that she died to save me! I should’ve been the one shattered!”

“It’s… you have survivor’s guilt, that’s normal. But you shouldn’t waste away your life…”

Garnet chimes in from in front of them, “Pearl and I felt that way after the Diamond attack. We were just lucky… why us? Just because we were closest to Rose? Those other gems deserved to be protected too. It just wasn’t possible, wasn’t our fault. It wasn’t fair but -”

“Shut up!” Peridot recoils, guilty for her outburst. “Sorry. I. Sorry.”

Garnet pats her hair. “I understand. Grief is difficult to deal with, especially if you’ve never lost someone in this way before.”

Thankfully no one tries to speak to her after that, nor during their procession to the gravesite. The statue replica of Pearl is beautiful, wielding her spear, looking fierce, yet kind. The clam is passed down the line, each of them kissing the top and murmuring their own private words. Peridot is last. 

Peridot whispers, “I don’t know if you can hear me, but you were - you’re the love of my life. I’ve not been so in love with someone as I have with you. I hope you are in a peaceful state. I hope you know I’m not mad at you.”

Tears slide down her cheeks. She sniffles as Lapis and Bismuth simultaneously bend to wipe them away. She hums in thanks, but she can’t bring forth the words. She lowers the clam into the grave. Bismuth covers it and pats down the dirt as much as possible.

Later that day, Peridot plants hydrangeas around the statue. They were Pearl’s favorite - surprisingly not roses. She paces around Steven’s house afterward. The next day, she curls up on the spot of burial and doesn’t move. 

Spinel stayed on the same spot for thousands of years, waiting for nothing, for someone who was never coming back. Peridot can do the same. Except she won’t receive an unintended message. She won’t be taking her anger out on someone else.

She doesn’t relish the flowers blooming. She doesn’t watch the sky change throughout the day and night. She doesn’t observe the animals or people passing by. She stares at the inscription.

**Pearl Rests Here**

**The Original Crystal Gem**

**She inspired Pink Diamond**

**She supported Rose Quartz**

**Not purposed for fighting or freedom, she defied expectations. She became the greatest warrior, hero, mother figure, and loving friend, who will reside in our hearts forever.**

When she isn’t feeling too weak, she’ll trace the shiny letters with her fingers. Sometimes, Peridot will have enough tears to cry. Sometimes, the tears won’t come. She knows the others think about her, talk about her. She knows Pearl would detest seeing her like this and try to pull her out of this state.

From a distance, Amethyst questions, “How long are we letting Peridot mope? This isn’t healthy.”

“As long as she needs,” Lapis says. “Whether it takes months… or hundreds of years, or thousands of years, she needs time. This pain, it’ll never leave, but maybe someday she’ll learn how to live with it.”

“She didn’t know Pearl as long as some of you,” Lapis continues, “But she now faces thousands of years - no end in sight - without her. I envy humans… their mourning will someday end naturally, if not while they’re alive.”

“I’m fucked up about it too but I’m not laying on her grave like a sad sack all day every day,” Amethyst grumbles. “I hate seeing the ones I care about like this and not being able to do anything!”

Bismuth informs her, “Peridot was… is in love with Pearl. Never told her. The last words they had were in anger, Pearl seemed to believe Peridot hated her. Not to mention blaming herself and wishing she was the one that died instead.”

“Oh… I didn’t know that she… I thought the way she looked at Pearl was… but I wasn’t sure. That’s stupid though, how could Pearl think that? How can Peridot still blame herself?”

“Maybe Pearl knew better, but we’ll never be certain now.” Bismuth grimly says, “I don’t think we’ll convince Peridot it’s not her fault unless she wants to believe it.”

“I agree with Lapis, we have to give her space,” Steven says. “If we haven’t gotten through to her… that’s not going to change until she lets us in.”

Peridot loses track of time after that and doesn’t care. She’s baked in the sun, soaked in the rain, covered in snow and ice. She listens to the muffled concerned voices of her friends. She ignores their inquiries and their begging. She doesn’t move. She stays. One day, she drifts off, allowing herself to sleep. She dreams of Pearl, sitting beside her on the hill. 

_“Where are you?”_

_“Huh? I’m right here, talking to you,” Peridot responds._

_“You should join me.”_

_“I’m not organic.”_

_Pearl kisses her cheek. “You can find a way. I miss you.”_

Peridot wakes with a start, sweating. She glances around to make sure it was a dream, and Pearl is really gone. She kneels and sinks her fingers into the dirt. It’s oddly dry and discolored - when did that happen? She looks up for the first time in ages. The flowers around the statue are wilted, nearly dead. The grass around the plot is pale and crispy. Peridot frowns. From her peripheral vision, she knew the flowers were thriving. She heard Lapis tending to them. 

What happened?

She stands. The rest of the hill was full of life. It had all died on this one area. She rushes into the house, luckily only Steven is there. She drags him toward the site with no explanation as he squawks at her. 

“Fix it,” Peridot commands, pointing.

Steven tries, he really does. Nothing happens. At all.

“Weird. The only time this doesn’t work on plant life is in the Kindergartens. Maybe because her gem is there…?”

“That doesn’t make sense, Steven,” Peridot remarks. “Those places died from incubating gems consuming the energy. A contained, shattered gem shouldn’t affect…”

They share a look. They wordlessly agree that they didn’t want to defile the grave to check if the clam had been insufficient. Some dumb plants aren’t worth it. Peridot sighs and plops down.

“It’s like the. Earth herself is mourning Pearl. But why now? It was flourishing.”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Steven takes her hand. “Why don’t you come into the temple… just for a little while? She’ll still be here until you get back.”

//

Peridot distantly registers that Steven looks a little older - could be a trick of the light or not seeing him for some time. She really doesn’t want to know how much older. Steven pulls her up. She doesn’t look at anyone in the temple who attempts to address her. Peridot retreats to the workshop.

She shuffles around in boxes for abandoned projects, to find something to focus on. Her limbs ache from lack of use, her mind from crying and lack of true rest. All she can think about is how empty and messy it is without Pearl. She gets distracted, organizing the room as close as she can to how Pearl would’ve liked it. Symmetry is a key component. Bismuth stops by and raises an eyebrow at her frenzied cleaning, but she doesn’t comment.

Amethyst comments to Bismuth in the doorway, “She’s obsessed. Not sure closing herself off in here is better. It’s where they always -”

“Let her be. At least she’s up and around. Recovering isn’t an immediate, straight path.”

“I guess. Hey P-dot… in case you forgot, we all love you no matter what. We just wanna see you happy again.”

“Leave me alone,” Peridot snaps. 

She doesn’t glance to see Amethyst’s expression. She hears only the sound of retreating footsteps. She sighs and drops her head on the table with a thunk, careless of her gem. One of the papers she dug out sticks to her head. 

She examines it.

“The Gem Stabilizer Band? What’s that - hmmm. One of Pearl’s abandoned projects… supposedly it would be melded to a gem’s form to reinforce the gem to be more resistant to poofing and shattering.”

If only Pearl had finished this. She might still be here. It can’t be helped. Peridot resolves to continue in her place - it’s apparent she scrapped it before even showing it to Peridot. She doesn’t know why, as she already sees glaring errors she can correct. Perhaps, it had been thrown away after their fight? Some of the notes mentioned the sturdiness of certain gems and forms, such as peridots. 

It won’t be the same without Pearl, but she’s sure what she can manage will suffice. Maybe she can consult other technicians. It all comes together. She’ll finish this, one last gift to her friends, then she’ll leave Earth forever. 

At Pearl’s grave, she explains. She needs to speak out loud to affirm her decision. “I know the location of an old lab on an abandoned colony. It’s not running, but the computers should still be operational. I can program the rejuvenation machine - in case I’m found - to destroy my form, then place me in a stasis tube. Don’t worry, it’ll be relatively painless.” 

Every morning, Peridot works on her revised version of the Stabilizer. Every day, she hangs out with her friends, laughs and smiles and it’s not always fake. They deserve some quality time with her before she stops existing in their lives. Every night, she visits Pearl’s grave. The site remains stubbornly devoid of life. Peridot decides it’s more suitable like this.

There’s often a feeling like her chest is being crushed. Her limbs seem to operate separately from her consciousness, as though she’s left her ship on autopilot while an inexperienced Quartz is at the helm. Sensation is dulled, sounds of the living are distant. 

She resumes carrying her tablet everywhere, like she did when she struggled with confidence and self worth issues - in truth, something she’s not yet totally balanced. It plays a variety of songs, but one for unknown reasons sticks out to her. 

.

**I hope that I don't sound too insane when I say**

.

.

**There is darkness all around us**

.

**I don't feel weak but**

. 

**I do need sometimes for her to protect me**

.

**And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin'**

.

.

**And in January we're gettin' married**

.

She writes letters to them - Steven and Connie, Lapis, Bismuth, Amethyst, Garnet, Ruby and Sapphire individually. She doesn’t tell them where she’s going or what she’s doing - only that she’ll soon be gone and they won’t have to worry about her anymore. She even pens one for Pearl, though she won’t see it, she finds the action cathartic. She hopes they don’t notice her schemes, Steven especially. She knows if pressed, she wouldn’t be able to lie to him, she wouldn’t want to bear the look on his face. 

She also enjoys the delay. Once she’s gone, she won’t know what she’s missing. They’ll miss her. She doesn’t deserve their grief, but grieve they will. She wants them to remember her appearing to enjoy life and company with them, not moping at Pearl’s grave or squared away in the workshop. She wants to make it clear she loves them too.

They’re not enough. She wishes they were, she knows they could be enough. She knows if she let go of Pearl, she could find love again.

She doesn’t _want_ to do that. She doesn’t _want_ to move on, she doesn’t _want_ to fall in love with someone else. Peridot is ashamed of it, but she _wants_ to the pain to end _now_. She doesn’t want to think about Pearl anymore, be reminded of her in her friends and every place she once occupied. She doesn’t want to love Pearl and dream about her, she doesn’t want to wonder what she would’ve said in a conversation or how she would have commented on something. She doesn’t want to struggle to remember the sound of her voice, her laughter, the way she smelled, the way she smiled. 

//

It’s foggy, the day the device is complete. Peridot leaves a detailed set of instructions and blueprints, so that they can make more. She has two discrete Quartzes test it out, and one of their gems doesn’t crack with impressive, carefully calculated force. She sends them away, cleans off the main worktable, and sets the finished project in the middle. She sets the letters on top. 

There’s the fresh smell of recent rain on the pavement and grass. She takes her time climbing the hill, enjoying Earth for what it is. She listens to the sounds of people, waves, and seagulls. She admires the ocean, the feeble sunlight, the flowers and bugs. Peridot hadn’t been able to bear seeing her friends one last time. Peridot kneels before the burial spot. 

Peridot talks to Pearl in spirit. “I know you wouldn’t forgive me for this. The concept that there is any gem afterlife is ridiculous… but if you are listening… watching me…”

“I’m sorry, and I love you. I wouldn’t resort to this but… none of it is fair. It isn’t fair that I delayed the others from moving on, that I can’t seem to quit treating them badly even though they’re trying to help. They can’t.” Peridot goes on, “It isn’t fair that they still have to comfort me… I cause them nothing but frustration… it’s not fair that I’m here instead of you. No one would say it, but I know if it was a choice. They’d rather have you. I wouldn’t blame them.”

“I know it isn’t right. That they’ll be furious at me for… for this. But I can’t… I can’t keep doing this. I can’t force them to live with **_my_** pain. My Pearl… if you’re listening don’t blame yourself.”

Peridot shuts her eyes. It’s time to put an end to this misery she’s putting on herself and others. The lab is a warp away. She just has to get up and walk there. She just has to access the computer. She lowers her head and inhales the scent of Earth.

  
  


.

**No longer does it matter**

.

.

**What circumstances we were born in**

.

**She knows which birds are singin’**

.

**And the names of the trees where they’re performin’ in the mornin’**

.

**And in January, we’re gettin’ married**

.

.

**Come January let’s get married**

.

  
  
  


_She can’t do it._

_It’s not even that hard. It’s not like she is - there are worse options._

Her arms shake and her legs are stubbornly unresponsive. She can’t even _do this right._ She thought she at least… knew how to be selfish, when all is said and done. Is she so arrogant she can’t even relieve her friends of her melancholic presence?

Or is it because she knows, embedded in her logical mind beneath the sadness, that this won’t solve anything? That it will only make the situation worse for everyone involved? Pearl would tell her there’s so much to live for, so many reasons to look forward.

Peridot stands and clenches her fists. If Pearl couldn't live, had lost that life instead of Peridot, then Peridot isn't going to waste it. By the stars, she can live _for_ her. 

The ground rumbles. There’s a blast of dirt, momentarily blinding Peridot. She screeches and stands up, batting at the air. What’s going on? She gapes as the ground is split by a mighty crack, lacing through the gravesite from Peridot’s feet to the other side of the statue. 

Peridot blinks, taking a minute to register her surroundings after the dust clears. The ground is still cracked and the statue is askew. Peridot’s mind, her entire being screeches to a halt. _No. This can’t be real. She needs someone to come wake her up._ She can taste and feel the crisp air, the sounds and smells of Earth unceasing. She must be awake, and such a recreation in death seems impossible. She rubs her face. Is this an incidental sign?

“Peridot! Peridot! Are you up there?” Steven is yelling, “Please don’t do it! I haven’t told anyone else! Can we talk about this?”

Steven’s footsteps halt behind her, and he places his palm between her shoulder blades. “Peridot?”

She turns toward him. She says, “I suppose you read the letter.”

Steven nods. There are fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. “I thought you’d be here. I didn’t tell the others, just ran right up.”

“Thank you. I couldn’t leave. For you guys, and Pearl, or… myself.”

“It would be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’ll never really get better… but it’ll get easier. As you find new joys in life.”

“Where’d you get that?”

Steven shifts. “Pearl. One time, when she talked about how difficult things were after the corruption. And my mo- Rose’s -”

“So smart… that Pearl.”

“Yeah she… was. You know… maybe I should’ve taken her to the reef…”

Peridot blinks. “The reef?”

“Er yeah. It’s where Pearls were like… created and customized and fixed. But… Pearl is beyond repair, I think. It would just be another let down.”

“Alright. Can I be alone for a bit?”

Peridot watches Steven walk away, figurative blood pumping chamber relocated to her gravity connectors like she’s a cracked gem. Peridot frowns.

“Am I really going to defile this grave on the off chance this reef can help?”

After a moment, Peridot grumbles, “Pearl would understand. I hope.”

With her honed metal powers, summoning the shovels and digging her out is a simple task. There’s only one problem, she has no idea where the reef is or what it looks like, and she’s alienated her friends.

There is one option, but she’s never been to the place. If any of the Crystal Gems have - aside from Steven of course - she’s afraid to ask. She has one choice, to seek this gem she knows fairly well, who won’t judge her - anymore than usual.

It’s time for a hike. The journey is tricky, toting the large clam with her short legs. She should’ve got one of the gems from Little Homeworld to join her, possibly even Yellow Pearl, she doesn’t mind carrying things in her gem. Then again, where she goes, Blue Pearl isn’t far, and those two rarely give flirting a rest. 

So, onward she trudges. She stops short where the grass melts into bare dirt. Jasper appears from under some sort of tarp, billowing as it’s removed. She rolls her eyes.

Her voice has a strange quality of disappointment. “It’s just you…”

“Yep, your old pal Peridot! No need to be so enthusiastic,” she calls back. “I… need your help.”

“Hmph.” Jasper jumps down, causing the ground to shake and almost toppling Peridot over. Peridot would wring her hands if she could. She’s a bit wary, as she doesn’t know where Jasper stands. She’s been mild, keeping to herself, but that could change. For now, Peridot will opt to be as civil as possible. 

Jasper looks bored as she grunts, “What?”

Peridot’s lips shake as she presents the clam and mutters, “Pearl was - she’s in need of repair.”

For a flash, Jasper has an expression mixed with despair and horror. It vanishes, replaced by her usual neutral mask. “I don’t know what you want me to do. Don’t you have Ste -”

“It didn’t work! You were close to a Sapphire on Homeworld who had a Pearl right? I remember you mentioning it during the Cluster mission. It’s my last hope… I heard Pearls have a special place they come from and go to be fixed. I thought you might know. Please.”

Jasper glares at Peridot’s hands where they’re cupped around the clam. She sighs. “I’ll take you.”

“Thank you! I owe -”

“No. this isn’t a favor, and I don’t know if it will even work.”

Jasper follows her to the galaxy warp. Thankfully no one is around to question them. The gems materialize in a location wholly unfamiliar to Peridot. She gawks a bit. Jasper leads her to a pedestal. Peridot puts her hand on it, while cradling the clam awkwardly in her other arm. Jasper reaches for it, but Peridot jerks her arm away.

A disembodied voice questions, “Who is this? State your business.”

“Peridot Facet 2F5L, Cut 5XG. I wish to gain entrance into your facility.”

“Access denied.”

She ignores Jasper’s chuckle and screeches, “What?! Why? It’s an emergency!”

“You are not authorized. Your rank is insufficient to even possess a Pearl.”

Peridot bangs her fist on the panel. This computer is sassier than Pearl herself. “Ludicrous! I saved the Earth, and stood up to the Diamonds! I’m an instructor at Little Homeschool and a personal friend of Pink Diamond’s son! Many formerly elite gems respect _me_. I demand this instant that you -”

Jasper shoves her out of the way and lays her hand on the panel. She smirks at Peridot. The voice cordially says, “Welcome back Jasper.”

Peridot huffs. “Since when did you require this service?”

“The Sapphire I was - that I knew. She was going to show me how to commission one, but I ultimately decided against it. Soldiers like myself didn’t have much use for that sort of thing.”

“I… see.”

They pass through a hall with various accessories. Peridot has little interest, blushing as she remembers the time she called Pearl nothing more than a common servant - someone’s shiny toy. It’s still intensely embarrassing to recall, the fool she made of herself. 

They reach a chamber. The voice informs them of the function - ignoring her but complying when it’s Jasper that requests the information. Jasper unclasps the coffin and her eyes widen. Peridot peeks past her. As expected, the gem is in pieces - but Peridot nearly chokes on nothing. Where there once over a dozen shards, three large chunks remain, and Peridot looks beneath the transparent basin to confirm the cracks are all the way through. She doesn’t dare test if the pieces can be removed - Peridot can’t imagine she wouldn’t have reformed by now if the gem was whole. 

Jasper questions, “Was - was she shattered?”

Meekly, Peridot replies, “Yes…”

Jasper’s expression becomes a darkened thundercloud. She snarls, “Who? I’ll break them beyond recognition!”

“Calm yourself. If you shatter a gem, even a horrible one, you’ll be in hot water. We can discuss this later… stars, didn’t know you cared this much.”

“How I _feel_ doesn’t matter.”

Peridot is concerned by that statement, but Jasper isn’t someone she’d relish pushing off the emotional edge. Jasper carefully places the gem container on the floor. A stream of light engulfs it. Peridot gnaws her fingers. 

“This Pearl was severely cracked, but the reparation process was successful.”

Cracked? It didn’t register as shattered? That’s interesting. It’s possible some of the shards were placed well enough that Steven’s healing powers had an effect. It could have something to do with the plants dying and ground splitting. She has no idea. But why not reform? Was her mind simply still too fractured? 

Pearl floats in the air and becomes bathed in light. Though expecting it, she gasps. If Peridot needed to breathe, she wouldn’t be able. Jasper smiles and places a hand on her back to Peridot’s surprise. She leans into the comforting appendage.

Pearl reforms, revealing an interesting outfit and a new hairstyle. She still has a puffy jacket though, she must like it. Peridot doesn’t blame her. It’s a good look. It’s dark forest green, almost black, teal on the inside. The star on the back is in contrast, a soft olive color. Underneath the jacket is a pale yellow one piece suit ending above the knees. There’s a bright turquoise sash around the midsection, split into a triangle on her right side, and it’s tightly tied at the back in a knot with no bow. Two neat ribbons trail down. Lastly, she now has pink boots just past the shins with triangles cut into the tops of each side. Her hair curves up and back from behind her gem, then swoops down to hang over the front of her left shoulder. 

Pearl folds her hands in front of her. Peridot stiffens, in order to not scramble toward the haunting form of the gem she loves. Pearl appears dazed. She smiles at them. 

“Pearl do you know who we are? What’s the last thing you remember? How do you feel?”

“What’s with all the questions Peridot?” She pauses, processing his words, probably. “I - of course I know who you are. I was fighting some gems, You had just been badly injured. I - then it’s blank.”

Peridot can’t contain herself longer. She rushes forward and embraces her, as a rush of tears pours out. Pearl kneels and hug sher tight. “Oh, Pearl!”

Suddenly there’s a voice behind them. “I thought you might be here… but with Jasper?”

Everyone whips around to stare at Steven. In what seems like slow motion, his eyes flick to Pearl and widen. “Pearl, I missed you so much!”

Steven follows suit and joins the hug, sniffling. Pearl encompasses them. “Hello welcoming committee. Was I - was I poofed for that long?”

Steven backs off, and he wipes away his tears. Peridot doesn’t bother with hers. She buries her face in Pearl’s abdomen and doesn’t let go. _She’s real. This is real. Don’t let it ever, ever, ever end._

Steven tells her, “I don’t know all the details, but one of the enemies you were fighting… you risked yourself in an all out attack, but they shattered you. Peridot painstakingly put all the pieces back together, but neither saliva or tears repaired you. Bismuth made a small casket instead of a bubble since it seemed your gem wouldn’t try to reform… and we… we had a funeral and buried you.”

“Steven… oh my stars… I’m so sorry you went through that. But… I didn’t think that Shell could restore shattered gems,” Pearl says.

Peridot snaps her fingers. “Shell referred you as cracked, but you were definitely shattered when we buried you. Steven’s tears began the process, but your gem needed resources from the Earth and… the last step was coming here! Maybe you were aware on some level your gem was too damaged to safely retain form?”

“I recall feeling… fuzzy and uncomfortable. Something didn’t feel right, so I took my time more than usual,” Pearl confirms. 

“If anyone would know it _would_ be you,” Pearl remarks with a smile and strokes Peridot’s hair. “You really… all the pieces… that’s amazing. Thank you.”

Peridot finally removes herself from Pearl’s person. “I. I didn’t think you would want me - it would be unscientific and mockery of everything I stand for if I didn’t _try._ Regardless that everyone told me it was hopeless… and I thought it had been pointless… in the end.”

Pearl brings the back of her hand against her mouth. “Oh stars… Peridot… what I said - when we had that argument. I didn’t mean it, I promise. I can’t believe that was the last thing I said to you… how terrible...”

“I also didn’t mean - well I did but - that’s not what I meant -”

Firm and with no room for defiance, Pearl asks, “Then what did you mean, Peridot? How exactly was I supposed to take ‘I don’t like you or want to be your friend’, hmmm?”

“You insufferable clod! I meant that I’m in love with you, and I want to be so much more than the word friendship can describe.”

Steven glances between them, staying quiet and looking like he feels a bit awkward. Pearl kneels and grasps Peridot’s shoulders. She strokes the length of Peridot’s gem to the tip of her nose with her finger and smirks.

“You’re the clod,” Pearl proclaims, “because I’m in love with _you_.”

“I -”

Peridot doesn’t get to respond to that, as Pearl captures her lips. She keeps it brief, since Steven and Jasper are there as the audience. Steven giggles, while Jasper makes an indecipherable noise in the back of her throat. Steven gives her a searching look, but Jasper doesn’t meet his gaze. 

“Oh my stars!” Peridot digs her fingers into her hair. “The letters! The other gems might’ve checked in by now - assuming you left them there Steven?”

“Er… yeah… in retrospect, I should’ve put them away, considering the way yours to me sounded. They’ll probably think you’re shattered.”

Peridot covers her mouth with both hands. She hadn’t realized it would come across like that. The situation was indeed unfortunate. They should hurry to return, but at the same time she’s terrified of what she will walk into, the distress she’s no doubt caused.

Pearl interjects, “What am I missing? Letters?”

//

“Nevermind!” 

She bolts to the warp pad, the others following close behind. She chooses the other galaxy warp in Little Homeworld, so that gems from space wouldn’t be warping into Steven’s base all the time. Especially considering the sheer size of some gems. She doesn’t want to just warp in there with Pearl and give everyone what humans would call a “stroke”.

Peridot summons a trash can lid - she keeps a bunch stashed everywhere with a little sticker of her profile on them - and zooms down to the house. She rushes into the place, to find the others sitting on the couch. Tears are free falling. They look at her at the same time, and it’s eerily quiet. Peridot is frozen, caught in their stares like a menacing spotlight.

Bismuth picks her up, and she’s certain she’s nearly poofed with the force of the hug. Amethyst, Lapis, Ruby and Sapphire surround Bismuth, all putting hands on her and fretting over Peridot.

“Are you hurt?”

“Are you insane?!”

“Don’t say that!”

“Did you change your mind, then? What happened?”

“Stupid clod, you’re not a burden.”

“Yeah, we didn’t mind trying to cheer you up.”

Peridot is overwhelmed by the onslaught. Their voices overlap, and she can’t even tell who is uttering what. She deals with it until they’ve all calmed down. Bismuth sets her on the couch, appearing sheepish.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to crowd you.”

Lapis and Amethyst apparently ignore this, because they both take this chance to take turns fully wrapping their arms around Peridot, swaying her side to side, and furiously kissing her face all over. They’ve always been ridiculously affection toward her in particular and no one else to such a degree, not to mention mildly annoying. It’s likely because she’s what Steven called “cute” and “little slice of pie”.

“Ew get off me you clods!”

She manages to kick Lapis off, but Amethyst transforms into a cat and digs her claws into Peridot’s collarbone. She makes happy noises and rubs her head against Peridot’s jaw. Peridot sighs and sinks into the couch. Ruby and Sapphire remain beside Bismuth. They cling to each other, tears still running down their faces, but they wear matching careful smiles. She glances at each of them. 

“I… I apologize. When it came down to it, I couldn’t go through with my plan,” Peridot says. “I know life could get better if I gave it the chance, I just… I didn’t want to go on without her. I hate that I’ve - I’ve hurt you like this - especially with -”

_Pearl’s death so fresh_. But she isn’t dead anymore, and they don’t yet know that. Should she just blurt it out? There’s a gentle knock on the door. Peridot leaps onto the table and holds her palm out flat. “I’ll get it. Don’t move!”

Somehow, they obey. She manages to pluck Amethyst off her chest and tosses her into Lazuli’s arms. She slinks to the door and peeks out. Steven is there, with Pearl timid behind him. Jasper is glaring into the horizon. Her arm rests on Pearl’s shoulders. She hadn’t expected her to accompany them, but she can roll with it. Peridot squeezes through the door that she opens barely past a crack.

Pearl asks, “They all think I’m… shattered right?”

“Yeah… I don’t know if we should just rip the bandaid off or… prepare them somehow?”

Steven rubs one eye. “I don’t think anyone could be prepared for this. I know I couldn’t.”

“The weakling is right. Stop being a wimp, just do it,” Jasper agrees. This earns a look from Steven that’s equal parts offended and pleased.

“Bandaid it is.”

Peridot grasps Pearl’s hand. She takes a moment to appreciate the sensation. Steven flings the door open, and Peridot marches inside.

“Ta-da,” Peridot says, “Pearl lives through the power of Steven’s tears, my own persistence, and the astounding qualities of Earth soil!”

Peridot almost expects someone to poof from the shock. As it stands, Lapis drops Amethyst and falls to the couch. Amethyst turns into an owl and slams into Bismuth’s face talons first, screeching. Bismuth waves her hands around and stumbles, tumbling over the table. Ruby literally screams, her hair lighting on fire even as Bismuth falls on her. Sapphire instantly freezes over everything in her radius and moves her hair to expose her eye. 

Pearl nervously snickers and offers a weak wave. It’s likely she hasn’t yet completely wrapped her mind around this. Peridot can’t imagine what it would be like, to come back from the dead after your friends have mourned you for months and made peace with your death - most of them, anyway.

“Please explain,” Lapis says, maintaining a relative semblance of calm. 

Amethyst is sitting atop of a stunned Bismuth, guffawing in a hysterical manner. Ruby’s continued screaming is muffled by the carpet that her face is squished against.

“I agree. This is truly groundbreaking,” Sapphire adjoins. “I - or Garnet - could not have predicted this.”

“I just did! Weren’t you clods listening?!”

_Groundbreaking is one way to put it._ Peridot thinks she may have seen more than she lets on, perhaps she just didn’t understand or believe it plausible. 

Bismuth and Amethyst recover from the incident. Bismuth picks up Pearl and tosses her into the air. Amethyst climbs Bismuth - as herself - saying, “Hey, I want a turn! Gimme her!”

Ruby and Sapphire laugh with joy and twirl each other around, fusing into Garnet. She plucks Pearl out of the air and spins her around. Amethyst groans and jumps to hang off Garnet’s arm, desperate to make contact with Pearl as well. Pearl giggles at their antics. She extracts herself from Garnet and gives Amethyst an enthusiastic, tight hug at last. Lapis saunters over and wraps one arm around Pearl’s shoulders. Peridot glances behind to Jasper, leaning on the wall with her arms crossed.

“Oh! I forgot to mention, I couldn’t have done it without Jasper!”

Everyone stops to look at her. She blows hair out of her face. “You could’ve asked some other Earth loving idiot from that dumb settlement who used to be high ranking.”

“Yeah but… you agreed. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Whatever. The only short one here is you.”

Pearl pipes up, “Actually Amethyst is short too!”

“Hey!”

“Well, it’s true.”

Individual fawning completed, they all join in one big hug, Steven and Peridot jumping into the fray. Peridot fruitlessly yanks on Jasper’s hand for a moment, before she reluctantly leans on the pack with one shoulder. She’s not totally engaged, but it’s something. Many more tears are shed, though the expressions and actions are merry.

Once they’ve all got a hold of themselves and settled on the couch, Peridot perches on the table and flexes her arms. She points at Amethyst.

“In your face! I told you so!”

Amethyst’s expression suggests she is not amused. It’s more so when Jasper laughs at her expense, prompting Amethyst to punch her in the arm. She’s honestly luckily Jasper doesn’t retaliate by punching her through the wall. Pearl reflexively curls her hands around Jasper’s arm as though she’s afraid of just that. Jasper lightly touches Pearl’s hand with her fingertips as though she doesn’t believe it’s there. 

Steven says, “Peridot! Was that really appropriate?”

Peridot rubs her own brow. “Listen, I had to say it at least once.”

“It’s not like you really thought she was coming back either, Peridot.”

“No but… I was right! And you clods have to live with knowing you doubted the great and determined Peridot, so I forgive you.”

“Ugh.”

Several gems grumble and roll their eyes. It doesn’t take away from Peridot’s feeling of victory. She’s on top of the world. She springs into Pearl’s lap. Pearl laughs and clutches her. Then, unable to contain herself again, Peridot is furiously and passionately kissing her with everything that’s been pent up inside of her.

She ignores the disgusted noises at their publically uncomfortable display. She also ignores those who whistle low and hoot with approval. Pearl is at the center of the universe.

They stop when they realize Jasper has been staring straight at them, and Pearl is still holding her arm with one hand. It's unsettling, but a little of something else Peridot isn't sure how to identify. It sends tingles through the pit of her form, and Pearl's blush suggests she's feeling the same. 

Jasper can't be trusted, Peridot reminds herself. She's living alone in a cave and relishes being challenged by Steven or anyone deemed worthy. It does little to help. Peridot buries her face in the lengthened locks of Pearl’s hair. Pearl scoops her up, and she presumably takes her somewhere else for privacy.

  
  


//

Months later, Peridot waits at the altar for her bride. This is the least she’s ever been nervous about anything, and the most certain she’s been about something. When Pearl walks down the aisle, it’s like no one else exists. It’s just the two of them, lost in each other’s eyes and love. 

Peridot is wrapped in a short white sundress with yellow and blue trim, accompanied by a matching swirly bowtie on her neck. She wears yellow gloves and heeled, yellow shoes. Her hair is freed from the bandana. Pearl has opted for a traditional long and sleeveless white dress with turquoise sequins arranged in a four point star shape on the chest. Above the hips, there’s a loose yellow and blue bow that makes the lower part of the dress appear more dramatically flared. Her slightly lengthened hair is pulled back with white bands, and she has dark teal flats. Pearl has a yellow hibiscus in her hair, while Peridot is holding a bundle of colorful hydrangeas. On Peridot’s she has Lapis, Bismuth, Steven, and Amethyst. On Pearl’s side are Pink Pearl, Garnet, Connie, and Jasper. She managed to convince Jasper to attend as their maid of honor, a suggestion from Peridot which made Pearl snort and agree out of sheer amusement. 

Bismuth’s friends, Larimar and Snowflake, serve as flower girl and officiant respectively. Peridot likes the pair well enough. The mayor, who is also a guest, certified Snowflake and plans to make this as close to legal as possible. She had done the same for Ruby and Sapphire. Not that it matters that much, as it’s official in their eyes either way, but it’s nice to have it on paper recognized by their human neighbors. 

As per Amethyst’s suggestion, they have the wedding in Vidalia’s art studio. Paintings depicting various stages and kinds of love decorate the walls, a project that she assigned her students. Vidalia sketches them during the ceremony, promising to present them with the finished product at some point in the future. Outside, the ground is covered in crisp snow. An occasional wind gust blows through, but the humans are kept warm by gems who radiate or generate heat. 

Pearl and Peridot hold hands the entire ceremony, unable to quit clinging. 

It’s happiness and it’s closure. Whether Peridot will have a day or ten thousand years with her wife, it feels complete. Looking into Pearl’s eyes, she knows if something happened to her - and she didn’t come back - she’d want Peridot to live on.

Peridot would. She would live for her. She wouldn’t want Peridot to lock herself away. She knows because she wouldn’t want Pearl to mourn her forever or stall her existence. It would be difficult. She would get help - _real help_ \- something which she has already done to recover from the deep spiral of depression.

Even with Pearl back, it’s not easy. Peridot gets frozen sometimes, locked with the fear of loss or that she’ll open her eyes one day to find that Pearl’s return has been a dream. She enters moments of extreme sadness about the dark reality that almost was - that even Pearl has trouble pulling her out of. Lapis started a grief group on her behalf, where the gems that attend talk to each other about things seriously bothering them and making them upset or empty - overseen by a human doctor. 

Darkness in the corners aside, the future is bright. Pearl’s smile and eyes before her are bright. Their love is more vast than the cosmos, more brilliant than the most star-filled galaxy.

“I want to give you the world.” Peridot vows during the ceremony, “I want to make you feel like you’re the world. My world.”

“You already have,” Pearl tearfully responds. 

At the reception, Larimar unveils a sculpture of the seven post-war Crystal Gems (Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Steven, Peridot, Bismuth, and Lapis) which is going to replace the Pearl tombstone statue. She even gives a little speech.

“We know the terrible things that happened. War and corruption. But today we celebrate the love that grew in adversity like flowers popping through the ice, for two gems who found it despite the odds!”

Jasper raises a glass and simply states, “After all that you’ve endured, you deserve a happy eternity together.”

Everyone claps. Pearl and Peridot take to the dance floor. Peridot can’t imagine a more amazing place to be than her wife’s arms. They sway to the song that Peridot has listened to so often. The crowd seems to disappear in an array of light, troubles fading to withering shadows against the dawn. 

It’s like the Earth is turning again.

.

**She's talkin’ to me with her voice down so low**

.

.

**I barely hear her**

**But I know what she's sayin’**

.

.

**I understand because my heart and hers are the same**

.

.

**And in January, we’re gettin’ married**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ;) I don't why I wrote this or why anyone would read it, but I can't stand keeping my stories to myself. The lyrics are from a song called January Wedding. 
> 
> (The "enemies" were purposely vague because this isn't too much of an AU, and I don't know what Future has in store. I couldn't be bothered to come up with a complex subplot there, since it wasn't the focus. It's just a tragedy skirting Ship fic)


End file.
